My little man, in the next couple of months you’re going to leave the warm, safe confines of my belly. I’m beyond excited to meet you, but I’m terrified too.
I’ve only ever had a mom, I’ve never had to be a mom, and to be honest I’m scared. I’m scared that I’m not going to know what to do. I’m scared I’m going to drop you, or that you’ll fall off the bed or that you’ll cry for hours and I won’t know why. I’m scared I’m going to somehow raise you to be a crack-smoking, bomber jacket-wearing hoodlum. I’m scared you’re going to hate me. I’m scared that I’m going to disappoint you.
But this fear has never once stopped me from wanting you. Instead it’s what’s driving me to want to learn how to be the best mom I can possibly be for you. Everyday. Every minute I’m with you.
My gorgeous boy, you’re not always going to be cradled in my arms, out of harms way. In about 12 months time you’re going to take your first steps. Away from me. As much as I will appreciate your need for independence, I know now that I’m not going to want to let go of your hand.
But I will.
And in that moment I’m going to be excited and proud and terrified, because I’ll know that those will be the first steps of the incredible journey that’ll be your life.
My little man, as you travel your path you may find that the world can be a tough place. A hard place. Sometimes even a scary place. But know that it is also a magical place filled with wonder and beauty in the most unexpected places.
Look for it.
Fall in love with the ridiculous, the bizarre, the uncanny. Laugh hard and laugh often. And most importantly laugh at yourself. Until your stomach hurts and tears stream down your face.
Especially when you’re feeling sad or lonely or hopeless, as much as it pains me to think of you that way. I promise you it’s what will get you through.
My precious little boy, before you join us in this world. Before life gets crazy and we get lost in the baby blob haze. Before time disappears in front of our eyes and we start rushing from this birthday party to that. Before we start arguing about pocket money and girls and college. I want you to know now that I love you. With everything I have. I love you.
I want you to know now that I’ll do my very best for you. That I’ll route for you, challenge you, support you and fight for you. That I’ll be by your side every step of the way.
Even when we’ve had the biggest fight and doors have been slammed and harsh words have been muttered and you feel like you don’t love me, I will love you.
May my shoulders bear the weight of this love that is about to be placed upon them.
Ethan/Brixton (we haven’t decided yet), I can’t wait to meet you.
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Kate Royce is an advertising copywriter, co-founder of Mammas’ Meeting Place and adoring mother to little Ethan whom, she is convinced, is set to be the greatest adventurer and explorer the world has ever known. Her dad once described her as “having the ability to find beauty in the strangest places,” which she thinks is one of the nicest things anyone’s ever said about her.